The Dark Place
by iamkellylouise
Summary: Alex thinks he's got her back, but she leaves anyway. They call it 'The Dark Place' They want him out of it. Little do they know that there's only one person who can. Addex.


**A/N: Set in a world where Addison leaves before the Burke wedding, so she basically only comes back from LA to pack up her stuff! Took me AGES to finish this! Started it about a month or so ago I think, just couldn't work out how I wanted it to end. But I am happy with it so, I hope you enjoy =) Reviews please!**

**Oh and my fic 'With A Little Help From My Friends' is the **_**only**_** fic I have that doesn't have a review, so pretty please someone review it aha! =D**

**Oh and the 'The Beatles' reference is because the day I started writing it Kate Walsh tweeted about going to see Paul McCartney =)**

**Love Kelly. X.**

* * *

He knew he had to do it. He had to find her. She was back but he's heard along the rumor mill that she wasn't back for good. He had to find her. He managed to slip the question of her hotel room number into a conversation with George, knowing he had stayed in a room close by, knowing that Callie was her best friend and probably spent more time there than with her husband, so he had it, the number, 2214.

So there he was, stood outside the hotel room door, his hand reached out to knock, he took a deep breath and rapped against it 4 times, he heard shuffling from behind it, and then it swung open. He took in the image of her, her hair cascaded onto her shoulders, fresh faced, wearing only an oversized grey t-shirt with 'The Beatles' and 'Hey Jude' surrounding a picture of the four band members in blue writing.

"Karev!? What, what are you doing here?" she stuttered "How did you know where to find me?"

"I can get information out of George at the snap of my fingers" he said with a quiet laugh.

"Uh, right" she nodded "Was there something you wanted?"

"Can uh, can I come in, we probably shouldn't do this out here"

Addison looked at him perplexed for a moment before stepping back and letting him enter, she shut the door behind him and leaned up against it, he stood about a meter in front of her, hands in his pockets, his bag slung over his shoulder.

"So…." she started.

"I was an ass"

"Yes"

"I made you feel used"

"Yes"

"I hurt you"

Addison took a deep breath "Yeah" she breathed out.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry I did that"

"Ok, well, thank you for that" she said reached for the door handle.

"I wasn't finished" he said firmly.

"Okay" she said slowly.

"I'm a screw up, a bad guy, that's who I am, it's who I have always been"

"Your not a bad guy Alex, you just, you can be a bit, blunt, and it, it hurts"

"I didn't push you away like that because I didn't want you, it was because I did, I do, Ava heard you tell Callie that you wanted the guy who barbecued and played catch and it, it freaked me out a little and I know that you didn't ask me to be that guy but I wanted to be that guy but I was scared, I am scared because I don't want to let you down but I can get past it, I can get past it Addison" he said stepping close to her "I want you"

"Alex" she sighed dropping her head against his shoulder "I'm leaving tomorrow" she said gesturing to the suitcases piled near the door.

"Stay with me"

"I can't" she whispered.

Alex lifted her chin up with his fingers, he moved in and placed a soft kiss on her lips "I'm giving you a reason" he mumbled into her mouth, he moved his hands up into her hair and deepened the kiss, Addison wanted to resist but she found herself responding, her arms wrapping around him, a moan escaping her mouth.

"Alex, we can't" she said pushing him back a little.

"Tell me you don't want me and I'll walk away" he said quietly placing his hands on her hips.

"You know I want you" she said with a shaky voice.

"Then stay" he said kissing her softly, she moved her hands back up and around his neck, he wrapped his arms around her waist and backed them over towards the bed, he lay her down carefully as he moved his kisses to her neck, his hands slipped under her shirt and touched her soft skin and within minutes they were both naked and their lips were barely leaving one and others, his hands wandered over her body, every touch soft and slow. She pushed them over so she was on top and guided him into her, everytime their lips left each others eyes met. She moved slowly on top of him, her hands pressed against his chest, her moans started quietly until he held onto her hips and began to push himself up hard inside her, then she could hardly contain herself from half-screaming his name. As they both came she fell against his chest breathing heavily, he rolled her onto her back and kissed her gently.

"Goodnight baby" Alex whispered as he pulled her tight into his body.

"Goodnight" she whispered back.

Once Alex thought Addison was asleep he breathed in her scent and kissed her hair softly "I love you Addison" he said quietly, not knowing that she heard every word.

~x~

Alex began to wake slowly, the room was still dark, he reached out to touch Addison's warm body but felt the coldness of the mattress, he sat up rubbing his eyes, he glanced over to the clock, 4:06am glared out at him.

"Addison?" he said loudly, at no reply he got out of bed and walked to the bathroom, he opened the door to darkness, he turned back to the room, he walked over to the lamp and switched it on, it was then that he noticed, the suitcases that were stacked by the door were gone and in the place of Addison's head was a folded piece of paper, he climbed back onto the bed and grabbed it scanning his eyes over the hand-written words.

~x~

_Alex,_

_Last night was perfect, nobody has ever made me feel so wanted, so loved but, I have to go, you deserve better than me, you talked about you being a screw up, a bad guy but like I said last night, that isn't you, you are the sweetest, most thoughtful man I have ever known and you lash out when you get scared, I get it. I know it took a lot for you to apologize, to open up to me but you deserve more, you deserve more than me because I'm the screw up Alex and I don't want to hurt you, I don't want you to be brought down by getting involved in my already complicated life._

_It's for the best._

_I will never forget you._

_Addison, xx._

_P.S. I love you too_

~x~

Alex read the letter over and over, he just sat there on the bed staring at the letter, after what felt like an hour of staring -but was probably only a few minutes- he climbed out of bed, threw on his clothes and grabbed his bag making a quick exit out of the door.

As he reached Meredith's house, because it would always be Meredith's house, never home he climbed the stairs heading straight into his room and falling back onto the bed, he reached for his bag and unzipped the side pocket pulling out the letter, he dug around for his iPod in the bottom of the bag and felt fabric, he pulled it out and spread it across the bed, a large grey 'The Beatles/Hey Jude' t-shirt lay in front of him, the one she had been wearing when he knocked on the door, he brought it up to his face and inhaled her scent and forgetting the stigma around crying men, he let tears fall, unaware that every sob that escaped his mouth could be heard by his roommates.

~x~

"Should we ask him?" Izzie whispered as herself and Meredith sat nursing their morning coffee, Alex had just stumbled in to pour himself a cup.

"No, not yet anyway"

"What are you too gossiping about?" he grumbled.

"Nothing" they both replied quickly.

"Whatever" he said sitting down at the table, he grabbed the box of cereal that sat in the middle and started to eat it from the box.

"You ok Alex?" asked Izzie.

"Fine" he replied coldly.

"Do you want to uh, talk?"

"No"

"Ok then well, we should leave soon, maybe you want to go and get dressed? We might get the results of the intern test, today or tomorrow they said"

"I've called in sick" he said standing up and leaving the room, cereal box in one hand, coffee cup in the other.

"Should we…." Izzie started.

"No, he's in the dark place"

"Ohh" Izzie nodded in understanding.

~x~

"Does anybody know if Karev is gracing us with his presence today?" asked Bailey as she walked into the locker room the following day.

"Did he not call?" asked Izzie.

"He called yesterday but no, no today, is he still sick?"

"Yeah he's uh, got a terrible, ugh cough, there's mucus, everywhere, lots of mucus" Izzie stuttered.

"Yeah, mucus" Meredith nodded "Everywhere"

"God your bad liars" Cristina smirked, they both glared at her "Hey don't look at me like that, I have no eyebrows, I get to be a bitch, what's really up with Evil Spawn?"

"He's in the dark place" said Meredith.

"Do I want to know what that means?" asked Bailey.

"It's like, it's like when Izzie wouldn't get off the bathroom floor, but this time it's the couch with a box of cereal" said Meredith.

"What put him in the dark place?" asked Cristina.

"No idea" both Meredith and Izzie sighed.

"Meredith get your ass back to your house and drag him in here, he needs to pick up his results and if he's not sick he shouldn't be at home, if your not back here in the next 2 hours tell him I'm going to go there myself and you do not want to mess with me today" said Bailey.

"Absolutely Dr Bailey"

~x~

"Get up" Meredith said snatching the box of cereal from Alex's hand "Now!"

"What are you doing here?" he said not taking his eyes of the TV screen.

"Bailey sent me, she said if we're not at the hospital in less than 2 hours she's coming here to get you herself now get up"

"I'm sick"

"Your in the dark place, I don't know why but you are and this is not healthy Alex, you smell and you need a shave so get your ass upstairs and into the shower, NOW!"

"Fine" he snapped standing up and storming past her.

~x~

"Dr Karev, nice for you to join us" Dr Bailey said as she saw Meredith dragging a sullen looking Alex in by his arm.

"I should have called, sorry" he mumbled.

"Karev, apparently your in some sort of 'dark place' whatever the hell that is, you better hope to god your out of it by the time your start your residency or your interns are going to make your life hell"

"Yeah, sure, whatever" he said walking towards the locker room.

"I have no idea" Meredith sighed.

"This is unlike him" said Bailey.

"He was crying" Meredith whispered.

"He was crying?" Bailey asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Yeah, yesterday morning, early hours, we heard him come home, he went straight to his room and he, he cried"

"Try and get to the bottom of it before you come back after the break"

"I'll give it my best shot and uh…."

"Between you and me" Bailey nodded.

"Thanks"

~x~

**6 months later.**

"It's been 6 months" Izzie said slamming her tray down onto the cafeteria table making Meredith and Cristina jump.

"Jeez Barbie, what the hell?!" Cristina exclaimed.

"It's been 6 months, since Alex went to the dark place, he might not be on the couch anymore but he's still there and I'm sick of it!" she snapped sitting down in the empty chair.

"Maybe he's depressed, like needs to go to a psychiatrist depressed" said Meredith.

"We just need to find out what the problem is, we can fix it, we have to" Izzie said calmly.

"Just leave him be, if he wants to talk, he'll talk" said Cristina.

~x~

Alex sat on the on-call room bed, letter in one hand, t-shirt in the other, his bag resting next to him, he knew it was unhealthy, he knew he was in the dark place, he knew that the t-shirt didn't smell the same as it did 6 months ago, he knew that the words probably meant nothing to her now, he knew they shouldn't mean anything to him but sometimes he just needed to believe they did.

"Oh, uh, hey" Meredith stuttered as she stepped into the on-call room, Alex quickly shoved the t-shirt and letter into his bag "Whats going on?" Meredith asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Nothing" Alex said jumping off the bed, he headed for the door but Meredith stopped in front of him.

"Alex" she said with a warning tone.

"I should go, patients, excuse me" he said, not noticing Meredith taking a hold of the bag in his hand until it was wrenched from his fingers "Meredith! Give it back"

Meredith quickly took the t-shirt and letter from the bag "The Beatles, seriously?!" he grabbed the t-shirt from her not noticing the letter in her other hand until she had it open "Holy mother of…." she said stumbling back to sit on the bed.

"Please, can I have it back" he said sadly.

Meredith said handing him the letter "It's time to talk now Alex"

Alex sighed heavily and sat down next to her, he stayed silent for a minute before taking a deep breath and talking.

"I fell in love with her, over time, I spent all that time on her service and even though she drove me crazy a lot of the time I fell in love with her, she kissed me, then avoided me and I told her I wasn't interested, something about not wanting to be another intern sleeping with an attending, something stupid like that, I lied to her, I lied because she avoided me, I thought that meant, I thought it meant she didn't want me so, I told her I didn't want her" Alex dropped into silence, he threaded the t-shirt through his hands.

"Go on" Meredith said softly.

"A month or so later, maybe a little longer, we were working on Ava, we had to rush her into surgery and after she came to find me, starts yelling at me, said she'd never seen me be so attentive with a patient and accused me of turning it into another Denny situation so then I started shouting at her and the next thing I know she's kissing me and we're in an on-call room and y'know, and it was amazing, it felt so, right, but then Ava told me she'd overheard her talking to Torres, something about wanting the guy who barbecues and plays catch and it scared the hell out of me, she wanted the guy, _the _guy and I didn't think I was, so I shot her down again, I hurt her and then she went to LA and when she came back I couldn't be near her, not without being _with _her so I found out her hotel room number and went after her and I apologized, then I realized she was moving for good and I asked her to stay with me, told her that I wanted her and then we spent the night together and it was perfect and I fell asleep holding her but then I woke up at 4 in the morning and she was gone and this" he said holding out the letter "was on her pillow, I found the t-shirt in my bag when I got home, it doesn't really smell like her anymore" he said sadly holding it up to his face and breathing in deeply.

"You should have gone after her" Meredith said softly "She loves you too"

"If she loved me half as much as I love her she wouldn't have left like that"

"You said you were scared, maybe she was too" Meredith said standing up "You might still have a chance"

"Meredith"

"Yeah?"

"Don't tell them"

"I won't" Meredith smiled softly.

~x~

**1 month later.**

"Hey" Addison smiled walking up to Meredith and Derek.

"Hey!" they both say with surprise, Addison pulls Meredith into an awkward hug full with awkward laughter.

"Wow, it's uh, it's great to see you guys!"

"Hows LA?" asked Meredith.

"Yeah, it's great, it's the sun, and surfing, it's…."

"You surf?" Derek asked with a raised eyebrow.

"No, I don't surf....So, anyway....Hey, look, I hugged you there! Did you see that I hugged you? You stole my husband from me and I hugged you. I've grown, I have, and I can be happy for the happy couple! Right? I'm all L.A. and like, one with myself, so I feel really....Yeah" Addison rambled.

"Mmm" Derek smirked.

"Okay! I'm gonna go save a life now, really, great to see you, really!" she said walking off.

"Addison!" Meredith shouted.

"Hmm?" Addison said turning back.

"He still has them, the letter and the, the t-shirt, he still has them, he brings them with him everyday in his bag and he's, he's been in the dark place since you gave them to him, just thought you should know oh and, he only told me so…."

"Thanks for telling me" Addison said quickly turning to walk away.

"Care to explain?" Derek said with a raised eyebrow.

"Not my story" Meredith sighed.

~x~

"Get Alex off Addison's case" Meredith said quickly as she stepped in front of Bailey.

"What?!" Bailey spluttered.

"Get him off Addison's case, he doesn't know it's hers yet get him off it"

"Oh you have got to be kidding me" Bailey groaned "Dark place?"

"Dark place" Meredith nodded "Get him off the case and uh, try and, keep them apart, for now"

"I can try" Bailey sighed.

"Between you and me?"

"You fools are going to be the death of me, bringing your love lives into this hospital" Bailey grumbled walking away.

~x~

"Karev!" Bailey barked as she saw Alex hunched over a computer in the research office.

"Yeah?"

"I need you down in the clinic today"

"But I've been researching this case all day"

"Did it sound optional to you?" Bailey said with her hands on her hips.

"But that's…."

"Not fair? Life isn't fair, clinic, now!"

Alex slammed his hands down on the desk and stormed past Bailey.

"Why do I get myself involved?" Bailey grumbled.

~x~

"….so I've been cleaning up puke and dealing with patients who have mild colds and think they're dying all day, why would she do that?! I've been studying for this case all day!" Alex exclaimed as himself, Meredith, Izzie and Cristina walked into the cafeteria.

"I don't know, that is pretty strange, especially since…." Izzie started, she trailed off when Meredith glared at her and gestured for her to stop talking.

"Especially since?" asked Alex.

"Since you've been working on it all day" Meredith finished.

"Did you kill a patient?" asked Cristina "Maybe you killed a patient"

"I didn't do anything!" Alex exclaimed, he stopped suddenly when he noticed the red-head standing and talking to Callie right in front of them, he looked across to Meredith.

"I didn't say a thing" she whispered into his ear "Bailey suspects something I just, I asked her to take you off the case, keep walking"

"Whats going on?!" Izzie said loudly, at this Addison turned her head, her eyes locking with Alex's.

"Crap" Meredith groaned, Alex turned on his heel and went to walk away.

"Alex wait!" Addison said trying to catch up with him "Alex!"

"I'm busy!" he snapped not turning his head.

"Alex please" she said grabbing his wrist.

"Get your hands off me" he hissed as he met her eyes.

"Alex" she whispered with tears in her eyes.

"No! You don't get to be upset, you don't get to do this, no!" he said wrenching his wrist from her grasp "You walked away from me, you do not get to be upset" he said turning around and taking a step.

"Do you think I wanted to walk away?!" she shouted after him "Do you think I wanted to hurt you?"

"Why else would you do it Addison?" he said turning back around "I get it, I hurt you, you hurt me back, I thought maybe the apology I gave you was enough, it seemed to be enough when we spent the whole night together but I guess it wasn't enough after all, because I wake up to find this" he said pulling the letter from his pocket and throwing it to her feet "on your pillow, this is what I get for apologizing, for telling you that I want you, that I love you, this is what I get!"

"I'm sorry" she whispered through her tears.

"After 7 months, sorry isn't good enough" he said finally walking away, leaving Addison stood staring at the cafeteria door and the people of the cafeteria staring at her, she crouched down and picked up the letter, she noticed the tear stains against it and broke down, falling to her knees, she looked up when she saw a hand held out in front of her.

"Come with me" Meredith said softly, Addison took her hand and followed her out of the cafeteria.

~x~

"That's it, breathe, breathe Addison" Meredith said softly as she sat on the floor of a supply closet with Addison as she breathed into a paper bag "Slow deep breaths, there we go, your ok, your ok"

"He hates me" Addison sobbed.

"It's quite the opposite actually"

"I shouldn't have come, I should have recommended someone else, I shouldn't have come back here"

"But now you have the opportunity to fix this"

"Because he really wants to talk to me" Addison scoffed.

"Do you still love him?"

"Yeah"

"Then you need to fight for him, make him listen"

"How am I supposed to do that?"

"Use the elevator" Meredith smirked.

~x~

Alex stood in front of the elevator tapping his foot impatiently, the doors opened and Addison was stood there with a solemn look on her face, he turned to walk away but was blocked by Meredith, Izzie, Cristina and Callie.

"I don't think so, do you?" Meredith said firmly.

Alex glared at her and turned to go back into the elevator, he kept his back to Addison as the doors closed, she stepped around him and slammed her hand on the emergency stop button, she leaned up against the doors, arms folded against her chest, he kept his head low avoiding her eyes, she took the letter from her pocket and ripped it straight down the middle, letting the pieces fall to the floor.

"The stupidest most cowardly thing I have ever done" she said firmly "That's what that letter was"

He stayed quiet, his body physically shaking, Addison took her jacket off and threw it to the floor, she kicked off her shoes, slipped off her skirt, followed by her shirt leaving her stood in her underwear.

"What are you…."

"Shut up" she whispered.

She grabbed his bag from him and pulled out the t-shirt, she slipped it over her head, she took a wet wipe from her bag, wiped her face free of make-up and took the clip from her hair and ran her fingers through it.

"This is me" she said quietly "This is who I am, this is who you see, this is someone who isn't perfect, makes too many mistakes to count on her fingers, walks away from the people she loves because she thinks its for the best, this is someone who is a coward, who knows that sorry isn't enough, this is someone who loves you, has never stopped loving you and will never stop loving you, this is who I am, this is who you see, this is someone who wants to make it right because this time she isn't going to walk away from the love of her life"

"This isn't going to just go away Addison" he said after a small silence.

"I know" she said wiping tears from her eyes "I know that"

"And I'm still mad at you"

"I'm mad at me too"

"But, this is someone who loves you, has never stopped loving you and will never stop loving you" he said reached his thumb up to wipe away more of her tears, she stepped forward and kissed him desperately before wrapping her arms tight around his neck, his slipped around her waist.

"Your not the only one who's been in the dark place" she whispered.

"Sucks doesn't it" he smirked.

"Yeah" she said nuzzling his neck "I'm so sorry, I'm so so sorry"

"I know" he said rubbing her back "I know"

"I love you" she said looking up at him.

"I love you too" he smiled.

"I should probably get dressed" she smirked "I still have a surgery to do"

"Yeah, a surgery I was kicked off because of you" he said playfully "Well, because Meredith's scared of me getting back in my sweats on the couch with a box of cereal"

"What?!" she laughed.

"That was my dark place, Izzie's is the bathroom floor, Meredith's is a bottle of tequila, Cristina's is the basement with a bunch of cadavers and mine is the couch, in my sweats, with a box of cereal, I was there for 2 days but then Bailey threatened to come and drag me to the hospital so I had to get up"

"I promise you, you will never have to go to the dark place again" she smiled "And if you go there I'm going with you"

"I love you Addison"

"I love you too"

~x~

"I've been told that you are responsible for putting my intern turned resident into 'The Dark Place'" Bailey said leaning up against the scrub room sink.

"I'm also responsible for taking him out of it if that makes you feel better" Addison said with a laugh.

"I had heard" Bailey smirked "Stole your ex-husbands move apparently"

"Meredith's idea" Addison smirked back "Worked didn't it"

"So, what happens now?"

"I guess, I move back here"

"You'd do that for him?"

"I love him" Addison said softly "I've been such an idiot, he came to me the night before I left and begged me to stay and it was just, it was perfect and I wanted to stay I did but I just couldn't"

"Addison I love you, you know that but if you break him again I swear to god I will kill you and the same goes for him"

"Thanks" Addison laughed "I should go and, find him"

"I'm serious Addison" Bailey said sternly as Addison reached the door.

"So am I" Addison smiled walking out.

~x~

"Hey" Addison said softly as she found Alex in the NICU "What are you doing up here?"

"It's my thinking place" he smiled walking over to her and kissing her softly "Reminds me of you" he said placing his hands on her hips, her arms reached up and wrapped around his neck.

"Funny, that's why I used to escape to the hospital" she laughed "Reminded me of you, the babies"

"I love you" Alex smiled "I love you so much"

"I love you too honey" she said kissing him "I spoke to my friend Naomi, from LA, she totally understands, she's wanted to kick my ass into coming back here for you since I got there so, she's kinda glad to see the back of me"

"See the back of you? What d'you mean?"

"I'm moving back Alex" she said softly "I want to be with you"

"Seriously?!" he exclaimed.

"Seriously" she laughed "I'll need a week or two, to get my house sorted and get my stuff sent back over and then I'll be back so, yeah, if that's, ok with you?"

"Of course it is" he smiled "You sure that's what you want?"

"More than sure" she said kissing him again "Certain"

~x~

"Oh no no! What happened?!" Izzie exclaimed as herself and Meredith stepped into the house to see Alex on the sofa in his sweats.

"I thought you sorted everything!" said Meredith.

"Huh?" Alex said with a raised eyebrow.

"Your on the couch, in your sweats" said Izzie.

"Ohh" he laughed "Wait one second"

They both looked at him with raised eyebrows, only seconds later Addison walked in dressed in her Beatles shirt and a pair of Alex's boxers, a tub of ice-cream and a spoon in her hands.

"Hey" she smiled at Meredith and Izzie.

"Uh, hey" they both stuttered, Addison sat down with her back against the arm of the sofa, her legs over his, he leaned over and kissed her softly "What?" he smirked when he saw the grins on Meredith and Izzie's faces.

"Nothing, nothing" Izzie smiled.

"Nothing at all" Meredith smiled before dragging Izzie into the kitchen.

"They thought you were back in the dark place didn't they?" Addison smirked.

"Yeah" Alex laughed.

"No more dark place" she said softly.

"No more dark place" he smiled.

~x~ ~x~ ~x~


End file.
